It seems that today I am incapable of putting in any amount of real work, so I am going to transgress and write a blog post. In this transgression I hope to understand why I have chosen to hurt some people many times, by just saying what I believed was true. I often wonder why we have developed this academic habit of ignoring what is clearly of the utmost importance, like the elephant in the room for instance, in lieu of being polite, nice and all those sorts of things that we are trained from birth to be. Is it to keep word bullies, like me, in check? Is it something I should make more of an effort to conform to?
To answer that I would want to know if I was right in speaking my mind, especially if I knew that who I was talking to definitely had no interest in knowing it, they already knew it and just didn’t want to hear it from me, perhaps. In other words, who am I to pummel anyone with reality, because after all, there is no such thing as the real reality. Everything is a perspective, an outlook, ephemeral and most importantly in perpetual flux. Or perhaps not so importantly, just plain truly.
So what do I gain by noticing the images that make the motion of life fluid. My observations and opinions, even for my friends are usually tiresome and sometime pedantic and not uncommonly, hurtful. At least for some of the people. Not all. Not yet.
‘I think’ I do it just so I don’t lose touch with reality and go with the flow- something I have professed to detest and never allow myself to do. It is such a lethargic, spineless, stupefied phrase, that once you get used to it, it makes you a nerveless addict and slave to whatever is driving the flow, I know, I have been there. Like Facebook. I really wish that social networking had not burgeoned to the extent it has and I know it is already considered to be evil and I am late in saying I think so too. It is understood and perhaps it will eventually be curtailed for use. Just like other technology that turned out to be mostly evil, but partly useful.
I also have had problems with reconciling what people claim to know and what they actually know, by which I mean understand and here people are, of course, ‘scientists’. Writers and journalists also have the option of actually knowing their subject and picking the right person to ask about it verses writing what just about anyone said, but surely it is the responsibility of the readers to determine if they are actually doing that. If they are not and people still read them, then more power to them and I have nothing to say about it. Being responsible citizens is no easy task and no one can be strong armed into it. We just sort of have to evolve to get there, if possible.
I have always been hard on the scientists, because if they don’t know what they claim to know, if that happens. Then who has the real responsibility to actually know? Am I harder on them, because I am one of them? Or is it just an avenue I made up to give up being an academician. By taking the high moral ground- After all, they are also just normal people, who have as much right to feel good about themselves as anyone else.
Reality exists only if we want to see it and accept it. If we don’t want to or if it makes us uncomfortable, should we or should we not learn to deny its existence? Is being happy not our primary goal? If we are not hurting anyone, have no one that depends on us for food and shelter, then should we not be allowed to live as we please? Is being polite and sympathetic to others self destructive behaviour, enough excuse to allow someone you care about to make a career of creative denial?
Or is it that I am just trying to justify my imperious, callous, cruel behavior by calling it the right thing to do. That in reality I am just a grown up bully who cannot accept people as they are and would like all of them to meet these ideal requirements of being a person, more so, if they are my friends. High and Mighty me.. I am going to stop now. In letting someone know that I care, in the way that is natural to me, I hurt them. And if existence is only about happiness, even if fleeting, until you find something else to lie to yourself about, I am not happy either. So no one wins. Let reality remain something people will only talk about guiltily, in whispers and behind someone’s back. As is the rule.
I hope I didn’t beat any of you up.. At any rate, no one is going to call me a bully, or a nazi, it is impolite and too late for me anyway, so why be the bad person..